Pas de deux Page 20

  Her eyebrows peaked. “A mistake?”

  “Not a mistake,” I amended quickly. “Just maybe not the right time.”

  Addie bit her lip, grinned. “Even if it was a mistake, I’m happy to make the same mistake again.”

  “Addie…” I said quietly. “You’re right, it was incredible. But I really don’t need the very tempting distraction of you right now. This is the biggest moment of my life, one I’ve sacrificed a lot for, one that others have sacrificed and supported me for. And if I mess it up because I’m too busy sneaking off with you, or thinking about sneaking off, then I let everyone down—my family, my sponsors, everyone who donated money so I could get here, my coaches, Dewey and myself.”

  Her expression relaxed into understanding. “Okay, I totally get what you’re sayin’ and I respect that and I’m on board. But what about after when the Olympics are done and we’re back in the States?”

  “What about it?” The question sounded snider than I’d meant it to, and I forced myself to soften my tone. “You work in Florida. I’m based in Kentucky. I can’t pack up my whole operation to start over somewhere else. And if I ever did decide to move my base it would be to Europe so I didn’t have to spend months away from home to compete on the international circuit. Long distance sucks and especially with both our workloads I don’t see how we’re ever going to find time to spend together. I mean, I spend six or more hours a day on a horse, another few hours coaching others, and the rest is paperwork and sleep. And you’re an equine vet who works ridiculously long hours. It’s not like I can fly down for a weekend and skip training or competing. And if you ever came to Kentucky, well I might be able to fit you in for some quality time between eleven and eleven thirty p.m. if I can manage to stay awake.” I exhaled, trying to calm myself. “And despite what happened last night, I’m really not the casual fling type.”

  “Do you regret it?” The hurt in Addie’s voice was unmistakable and also surprising.

  So I lied, just a little. “No, I don’t.” I regretted it not for the reasons Addie might think, but because it was a tease, a small glimpse of something I could have but never would. Something that would only hurt me in the end.

  “Good. Because I certainly do not.” She sat on the tiny two-seater couch and pulled me down beside her. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to see if we could turn this into something more permanent.”

  “I know you will, and I want to say I will too. But I’ve realized long distance isn’t my thing. My last girlfriend lived in Europe and I saw her three months of the year while I was there for the European circuit. Even then it could barely be classed as dating. More like sex whenever we were in the same city and could find time.” And considering who she was sleeping with when we weren’t in the same city, and maybe even when we were, the idea of opening myself up to cheating because of distance again felt like ice water thrown in my face.

  “I don’t think Kentucky to Florida is really long distance, Caitlyn. If I have to take a short flight every weekend that I’m free to come see you then I’ll do it.”

  “You say that now…”

  Addie’s eyes fluttered closed as she inhaled a long breath. “Okay. Maybe now isn’t the time to talk about it, and maybe we can come back to it once everything’s settled. But I want you to know that’s my position on the matter.”

  “Noted. And yes, later is a good idea.” I bit my lower lip. “Are you upset?”

  “No. I’m not. Because I’m sure we can make this work somehow.”

  She sounded so convinced, so unwavering that my building anxiety stopped in its tracks. “I’m glad, because I don’t want this to be an issue between us.”

  “Then we won’t allow it to become an issue. Simple.” Addie’s smile made it clear she knew it wasn’t that simple. But neither of us took it further. She kissed the tip of my nose. “This nose is a very kissable nose. Better than Dewey’s even.”

  “Wow. Now that’s a compliment. Is that all you find kissable about me?” It came out kind of coy, but she didn’t seem to mind.

  “If you’ll recall last night, I think you’ll realize I find everything about you kissable.” She confirmed with a gentle brush of lips against mine.

  I did recall, and the recollection made my skin hot. I opened my mouth to her and allowed myself a few moments to indulge until reality intruded. After what felt like the world’s most unsatisfactorily short kiss, I peeled myself away and only just managed to swallow my groan of frustration. I stood. “I have to go. For real this time.”

  “Sure thing. I’ll see you later today.” Addie stood too and made an awkward move toward me, then shuffled backward. A shy laugh burst out. “Sorry, I was just about to hug you until I realized it’s kinda weird.”

  My answer was to hug her. Her arms snuck around my waist and she pressed herself full length to me, which really didn’t help my needing-to-leave conviction. I kissed her forehead then extracted myself. “Not weird, hugs are great. I’ll catch you later.”

  I detoured to check on Dewey who was happily eating breakfast but accepted a carrot from the bucket on the floor outside his stall, then backtracked past Addie’s cabin and kept walking to the truck. The door was unlocked and the moment I climbed the stairs into the living area I smelled coffee. Bless you, Wren. My groom sat at the table, long legs stretched out instead of being squeezed underneath. I stepped over them. “Morning.”

  Her face was impressively neutral. “Good morning. I left the bagels out for you.”

  “Thanks.” I tossed the bag of clothes onto the lower bunk bed and tried not to think about the look in Addie’s eyes as I’d been undressing last night. I’d poured coffee, popped a bagel into the toaster and peeled a banana when Wren cracked.

  Her question was a casual, “You scratched the itch, huh?”

  “Mmm. Well, sort of.” I broke off a piece of banana. “But you know how sometimes you scratch and instead of soothing it, it just gets itchier and itchier?” Then you could either stop scratching and ignore the itch or keep scratching until you’d made a raw weeping wound. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that sleeping with Addie would miraculously shut my libido up, but I had hoped it would at least make it be quiet for a few hours.

  “Oh shit.”

  “Yeahhh, that about sums up my thought about it.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “No idea. We talked about it, about the timing of it all, and then…all the other stuff, like distance and the fact we’re two women with ridiculously busy lives.”

  “And?” Wren prompted.

  “And nothing. I’m about to embark on the most important time of my career. I can’t think about shit like maybe dating Addie, if we could even figure out how to make a distance relationship work.”

  “Dating. Relationship. Hmm. Can I say something?”

  I made a sweeping gesture. “You’re going to regardless of what I say, so go right ahead.”

  “I get that the timing is awful, but I’ve never seen you so relaxed or happy. And it’s because of her. If there’s ever a time to be relaxed and happy, it’s now. Everything else can be dealt with later. For now, why not just enjoy it and the obvious benefits.” With a wink, she added, “Relaxation is never a bad thing.”

  “You mean while riding, right?”

  She gave me a mock-innocent look. “Of course.”

  I took my time finishing my banana. “I just don’t want to lose focus.”

  “I get that. But, Caitlyn, your focus is insane. It’s literally part of your job description. I know how well you can compartmentalize. Why would Addie be any different to any other thing you’ve had to put aside or block out or ignore in prep or during a competition?”

  Wren’s reasoning was solid but Addie wasn’t an ordinary distraction. I shrugged, unable to find the words.

  Wren stood and tossed my just-popped bagel onto a plate, which she set in front of me with the jar of peanut butter. “Finish your breakfast. We need to go over the packing
for Rio.”

  * * *

  When we arrived at Amsterdam airport at three p.m. the next day, Wren and I were subjected to a maze of ID checks and confirmation that the horse in the truck had markings and a brand that matched the one they had on file. Once they were satisfied Dew was Dew, we were allowed to drive up to the huge facility where he would spend a few hours relaxing in a box stall before being put into his jet stall and loaded next to his travel partner for the flight.

  Addie and the two nominated grooms—Wren and Eleanor—would be on the dedicated flight transporting the horses to Brazil and the rest of us would follow later that evening. Once Wren had parked I waited for the hiss of the airbrakes before I spoke. “Let’s make sure everything’s on schedule before we get him out. He can stay in the truck and relax in the air-conditioning.”

  Wren stretched, squeaking as her fingertips hit the interior roof of the truck. “Good plan.”

  Dewey’s plane was being made ready, and the huge cargo facility buzzed with people and the sounds of world-class horses calling out to one another. I wandered the corridor until I spotted Addie in the stall with Pierre, her stethoscope in her ears as she listened to his gut sounds. I knew my appearance hadn’t gone unnoticed, but Addie didn’t acknowledge me except for a quick smile, before she moved the stethoscope to another spot on Pierre’s belly. Technically, Dakota didn’t acknowledge me either, unless you counted a withering look as acknowledgment. From her, it was.

  I summoned my courage and said a quiet, “Hello, Dakota. Pierre looks great.” Looking great and wearing a brand-new blanket, halter and shipping bandages. A prickle of self-consciousness poked me in the back. Dew’s travel gear was a few years old now but everything was clean and functional. My sponsors would have provided new gear if I’d asked, but why would I?

  We were about the same height, and I knew she hated not being able to literally look down at me as I’d seen her to do others. She seemed taken aback that I’d spoken to her, and after a long pause, which I suspected was merely for effect, she muttered a grudging, “Thank you.”

  That was about the extent of our small-talk repertoire. I backed up a few steps to wait for Addie to finish with Pierre. She twitched his blanket back into position then smiled at me. “I’ll be right with you. Give me ten?”

  “Will do.” Feeling foolish for interrupting, I slipped away to unload Dew and put him in a stall.

  The moment Dewey walked down the ramp out of the truck, he raised his head to look around, ears swiveling back and forth as he took in the surroundings. Apparently satisfied that it was just another thing he’d done heaps of times before, he frisked Wren for treats. She gave him a carrot then led him into the building to find the stall labeled with his name. I followed behind, carrying a bucket of carrots and nets of hay for the flight. The moment Dew was let loose in the stall, he dropped to his knees, folded to the ground and rolled, groaning in pleasure.

  Once he’d stood and shaken himself off, as if shaking off the truck ride, I unbuckled the straps at his chest, then removed his blanket to make it easier for Addie to examine him. I placed it neatly with the rest of his belongings that would travel with him on the plane. The cabin was climate-controlled so the horses didn’t need blankets when they flew—just sheepskin-padded halters and thick protective bandages on their legs. I had to fight the urge to check, uh, re-re-recheck that he had everything he needed.

  Wren and I groomed him while we waited and after fifteen minutes or so Addie wandered over. She had a clipboard tucked under one arm and an iPad in that hand, and in the other she juggled a small briefcase and her ever-present vet bag. She glanced at Wren then did a double take. Laughing, she said, “Great hair.”

  Wren grinned and stroked the clipped side of her head where she had, as promised months ago, had an American flag colored into the now-peroxided undercut. “Thanks.”

  Addie slipped into the stall, dropped her things at a safe distance from Dewey and reached up to stroke his face. “Hello, big guy.” Addie planted a smacking kiss on Dewey’s nose, then pushed him away when he snuffled her cheek. “He good to fly?”

  “Sure is,” I answered. “He’s got more frequent flyer miles than me.”

  “Ah, well maybe someday he’ll take me as an add-on to his membership and we can go to the beach somewhere.”

  The image of Addie in a bikini waltzed merrily into my head. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but a weird little gurgle squeak escaped my mouth. Wren glanced at me then snorted. I rearranged my features into something I hoped didn’t convey that a very sexy image was still stuck in my head and cleared my throat. “He spends his whole life in a sand arena, he’d probably pick something that didn’t resemble work.”

  Addie smiled, ignoring the Wren and Caitlyn Comedy Hour. “Fair enough. I’m partial to skiing too if he wants to take me to Japan or something.” She winked and tapped a few things on her phone before shoving it back into her butt pocket. “I’ll get some vitals, do a bunch of paperwork and physical checks and stuff, we’ll stick his identification tags on everything, and then he can chill and eat before we load him up. As can both of you.” She looked between Wren and me. “Could I have his passport please?”

  “I’ll grab it,” Wren said, handing me Dew’s lead. “My bad, I should have brought it with me.” Her demeanor was a little too forced and I wondered if she hadn’t deliberately forgotten the document to give herself an excuse to leave.

  Addie waited until Wren had gone before she spoke. “You good?”

  “Mhmm. Healthy as a…horse.”

  Addie grinned and I had to keep my eyes up instead of staring at those adorable dimples. Stupid libido. She pulled the stethoscope from around her neck. “You’re a laugh riot. That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know. But I’m good, thanks.”

  She touched my arm, let her fingers linger, then pulled away. “Let’s get this health check and paperwork started so we can be on our way.”

  Wren had returned midway through Dewey’s exam to deliver his passport, then melted away again mumbling something about moving the truck so it wasn’t in the way. She gave me a pointed look, which made absolutely no sense. Did she want me to move the truck?

  Dewey’s vitals were spot on, and he was deemed fit and ready to fly. I hung around, trying not to watch Addie too obviously as she filled in paperwork. She took a photo of his passport then put it inside her briefcase. The moment she’d straightened up again, she quietly asked, “Seriously, how’re you feeling? You can tell me.” The question was so unexpected and asked so gently and with such genuine interest that my brain froze.

  Before I could answer, Dakota flung her arms over the lower stall door. Sigh. “Addison! When are they loading the horses?”

  Addie turned away from me. “In three hours, which is right on schedule.”

  “I can’t see the loading conveyors anywhere.”

  “Probably because they’re not needed for another three hours, which is right on schedule.”

  Dakota flounced away, griping loudly to…absolutely nobody because the only people around were Addie and me. Though I was sure Dakota knew that organizing equipment to load the horses into the plane was the responsibility of the cargo company and airport staff and not Addie’s job, it was just like her to pile something on anyone she thought she could grind down. “Is she always like that to you?” My question came out tightly around clenched teeth.

  Smiling as if she knew what I was implying, Addie asked, “Like what?”

  I flipped a wayward clump of Dewey’s mane back to the right side. “Like a raging stuck-up bitch with a superiority complex?”

  “Oh, yeah, pretty much.” Her eyes were saucer-sized. “Or not. Not at all. Ignore me. I said nothing.”

  “No need to.” I sighed. “We all know the Dakota hates Caitlyn story. It just pisses me off that she’s like that with you.”

  “She’s just trying to assert her dominance. It doesn’t bother me. And I’ve told you before, she’s nasty
because she’s jealous of you,” Addie insisted quietly. “Caitlyn, being around you, watching you ride is like being around a supernova. It’s intense, electric.” Her expression was soft, almost reverent, and it made my chest tighten. She softly caressed my face. “Nobody compares. Not even close.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Addie

  My main impression of Rio was not as hot as I’d thought it would be, but humid as heck. The Dressage, Showjumping and Three-Day Eventing Teams each had a dedicated vet, and thinking about the other two disciplines made me grateful I was a dressage vet. I felt sorry for the eventing horses who would have to gallop for ten minutes and almost six kilometers across country over a set of forty-five formidable jumps, as well as perform a dressage test and a showjumping round. I was going to have to be on the ball to manage heat stress in my dressage horses but the eventing vet was going to have to deal with some serious heat exhaustion after the cross-country phase.

  The flight to Brazil had been as smooth as I could have hoped, with all the equines behaving like the seasoned flyers they were. I’d managed to cut my mooning-over-Caitlyn time down to just a few hours, scattered into minutes here and there between making sure the horses were traveling well.

  I wouldn’t have had nearly as easy a time, or anywhere near as much fun, if not for Wren who was not only knowledgeable and capable but an amusing and witty person with whom to spend eleven hours in a tin can. A tin can that was made more for the comfort of equines than humans. She made me play endless games of I Spy, somehow managing to find more words beginning with H than I’d thought possible for such an enclosed space, and then laughing when I guessed Horse, Hay, Halter—wrongly—every time. Apparently Hideously Dry Skin, Horrible Uncomfortable Seat and Help I Need More Leg Room were perfectly acceptable items for the game.

  Eleanor was friendly enough whenever I spoke to her but didn’t go out of her way to interact with anyone, even when invited to join in. But she was calm and competent which was good enough for me.