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  Part of me wanted to draw it out, to make her beg even more. But the look on her face told me how much she wanted this. Needed it. Gently, I entered her and Cate brought her hand to her mouth, but it didn’t stifle the cry of pleasure. I paused. “Okay, baby?”

  “Mmm,” she said, nodding dreamily. “More, please.”

  I made another gentle push and Cate groaned, burying her face in the pillow. Pulling her back by the hips to bring her right up onto her knees, I gave her what she wanted. Hard. Fast. Deep. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate but my skin was on fire. My body was tight with desire, clit pulsing with every thrust, and I fought against the desperation. I wanted to come, so badly, but I couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Not yet.

  Cate choked out another loud groan as my fingers found her clit. She was unashamed with her cries and gasps, begging me to fuck her, asking for more and more. And I gave it to her, over and over. Cate bucked under my fingers, panting out her pleasure. “Don’t stop, feels so good…” Her head fell forward. “Oh, God.”

  A tingle spread under my skin. “You sound so goddamned sexy, Cate.” I nipped her neck then ran my tongue over the spot I’d just bitten. “Feel so good.” My voice was raspy with lust. I leaned down to press wet kisses over her back and reached around to touch her again.

  She was changing pitch, her moans getting lower and more drawn out. I knew what that meant. With a firm hand on the front of each of her thighs, I spread her wider then slowly pulled her back to me. Settling onto my heels, I held her firmly, one hand over her breasts, the other across her hip. Cate gasped when I found her clit again, reaching back to grab my hair. She was taking what she wanted, yet letting me give at the same time.

  Teeth in her neck, my breasts pressed to her sweat-slick back, I thrust forward again. Cate grunted, rocking forward and back, grinding herself on the toy as my fingers played over her clitoris. My painfully hard nipples slid against her back, straining against the piercings. The pleasure was intense, overwhelming, touching every part of me.

  I felt the tension in her thighs and ass, the tight coiling of her muscles that heralded her impending climax. She pulsed under my fingertips, her desire wet on the top my thighs. My own arousal was slick against my legs, the pressure of the harness on my clit driving me mad. I was so ready, I wanted to weep from the pressure of holding back. Burying my face in her neck, I drew in some deep breaths, trying to push away my imminent climax. But all I caught was that intoxicating scent again.

  I bit her shoulder, harder than I meant to, but Cate didn’t flinch. Instead, she dug her nails into my arm, raking over my skin. “Aspen, oh, God…I’m so close…”

  I wanted to withdraw, to feel her come around my fingers and under my tongue but this was what she wanted. Her pleasure was my pleasure and with every thrust and grind, my orgasm built until I felt unable to hold it. My legs tingled, climax threatening to bloom. I tongued her ear, biting lightly. “I think I’m gonna come,” I panted.

  “Nonono, wait.” Cate groaned, turning her head to capture my lips. “Let me—”

  Pushing her tongue into my mouth, Cate twisted slightly and reached backward and between us. Her touch was firm and focused. She didn’t let up her grinding, driving us both closer and closer until her next downward thrust undid me and I exploded, jerking underneath her as my orgasm took hold.

  Cate pulled my hand away from her breast and bit it, muffling her own cries as she climaxed. She tensed in my arms, the deep guttural groan vibrating against my hand as we shared our release, both of us wet with sweat and mingled desire. Cate hung loosely in my arms for a few moments, her head leaned back against my shoulder.

  The remnants of my orgasm spread through my body, heating my cells until I was limp with satisfaction. “Better?” I asked, breathlessly, when I could speak again.

  “Better,” she agreed, equally as breathless. Cate turned her head to kiss my nose then slid off my lap. Kneeling in front of me, she set about removing the harness, every movement slow and careful. Watching her take it off me was almost as tantalizing as her putting it on. She tossed it over the side of the bed then collapsed onto the mattress with a satisfied sigh.

  When I moved to lie with her, the muscle of my left shin spasmed and when I tried to shift to ease the tightness, both my ankles cramped. I grimaced, letting out a frustrated huff as my joints locked in place. So much for the mood. Way to ruin the moment, Aspen.

  Cate raised herself up on an elbow. “Are you okay?”

  “Ah yep, just give me a moment.” I leaned forward onto my hands then fell to my stomach. After some tricky maneuvering, I managed to roll onto my back. “Cramps are not sexy, sorry.”

  “Everything about you is sexy, Aspen. Even your old lady cramps.” Cate stroked my calf, gently kneading her way down to my ankles. “But you know you don’t have to suffer like this. Low dose analgesic combined with other therapies is really effective. You could try medication for nerve pain. Red light therapy. Stem cell treatment could help, even with the scar tissue. More physical therapy. You have so many options.”

  Early on, I’d been offered all that—and more—but had declined because I’d been terrified it might work and then I’d have no physical excuse for giving up my career. “I’m aware of treatments,” I said carefully. “And this is what works for me right now.”

  The kneading paused. “It’s not working, though because you’re not actually treating it. You clearly have chronic pain, which isn’t being managed. I’m sorry but I just don’t understand why you won’t do more. It hurts me to see you hurting.” Her smile was sad. “It butts right up against the personal and professional.”

  Even though I knew she was only pushing because she was concerned, I so did not want to discuss my stupid pain right at that moment. My response came out harsher than I wanted it to. “Really, Cate? I’ve just had some of the best sex of my life, and it’s not enough that my damned legs completely spoiled the mood, now you’re digging at me about it.”

  Her eyebrows came up in surprise. “I’m not trying to dig at you, I’m trying to help.”

  With effort, I tamped down my rising emotion. I wanted a lover, not another medical professional telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Just once I wanted something where my stupid injuries didn’t intrude into every part of my life. “I know, I’m sorry. I really don’t want to talk about this right now. It’s my body, and I’m managing.”

  “Okay,” she said quietly. Though the word was agreeable, her expression was not. Cate’s mouth was pressed into a tight line, the tension unmistakable.

  I swung my legs off the bed, needing to distance myself from the sudden mood shift. “I’m going to get a glass of water. Do you want something?”

  After a moment, she nodded. “Sure. Thanks.”

  As I took a step away from her, I stumbled.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Surrounded by the cold, crisp morning and with a hot mug of coffee in hand, I was totally in my element. I leaned my elbows on the rail encircling the front deck and dialed my sister. She picked up after a few rings. “I was just thinking about you.”

  “Ah, were Anna and David asking about their favorite aunt again today?”

  Hayley laughed. “Not that I should pump your ego any more, but yes actually.”

  “I knew it.” I took an appreciative sip of coffee, enjoying the warmth in my belly.

  “I’m surprised you can stay upright with such a big head.”

  “Years of practice.”

  “Ha-ha. So, what’s happening?”

  “The usual.” I drew in a breath, the icy air a pleasant burn in my chest. “Cate’s leaving tomorrow and we kind of had a…not an argument, but a disagreement I guess.”

  “About what?” Metal clanged against metal and my sister swore under her breath as she fussed in the kitchen.

  “My stupid body and all its stupid pain.” Before she’d left in the early hours of the morning, Cate and I had talked a little about what would happen when we were
apart. We didn’t discuss our terse exchange, careful to remain superficial, and the whole time my insides had churned with confusion and upset. But there was no way for me to express it, because we weren’t partners. We were just…

  What the hell were we?

  “Ohhhhh,” Hayley said on a long exhalation. “Have you told her about what happened after Vancouver?”

  “I have. I’ve told her everything.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Not a lot. She was a little upset but I think she understood, and where I am now with it.”

  “Good,” Hayley said firmly. “Did you resolve this disagreement?”

  It was beginning to feel like a motherly interrogation, and I was certain there’d be some advice coming my way pretty soon. “Not really, no. It’s kind of just this thing hanging above us and I don’t really feel like pulling it down and opening it up again.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because we’re not dating, and she’s going home.”

  “Right.” A cupboard opened and plates chimed against each other. “What are you doing about that?”

  A sudden overwhelming urge to be with my sister, sitting down to dinner with her and her family, almost closed my throat on my answer. “I don’t know, we’re just taking it as it comes. We’re going to see what happens when I’m back home between seasons.” Home. The word sounded odd when I said it aloud.

  “Good plan. I mean, what are the odds of meeting someone you’re attracted to while you’re overseas, and who lives so close to you? It’s kismet! Your favorite thing!”

  A snort of laughter burst forth before I could rein it in. “Are you still doing that word of the day thing? Why not say fate like a normal person?”

  “Oh shut up,” she said playfully. Then Hayley refocused, her tone heading back to seriousness. “You need to figure this out.”

  “I know.” After a mouthful of coffee I whispered, “I think, given a little time, I could fall in love with her.” I couldn’t help my frustrated groan. “I’m such a lesbian cliché.”

  “Have you told her this?” My sister’s question held an edge of demand.

  “It’s kind of soon to be making declarations, don’t you think?”

  “No, I don’t think,” she said. “When you know, you know. It only took two dates for me to realize Ryan was the one. You should tell her. God, you’re painful.”

  I let out a noncommittal grunt. “I can’t believe I’m taking advice from you.”

  Hayley affected a faux-superior air. “Why not? I’m happily married to an amazing man and I have two gorgeous children, one of whom is starting to look like her aunt Aspen at the same age by the way. You should be aspiring to be like me.”

  “An amazing man, hey? Hang on, let me just think. Wasn’t it me who introduced you to him?”

  “Aspen—”

  “No no, it’s coming back to me now. Didn’t I have to beg you to go on the first date with him?”

  “I swear—”

  “Wait, wait! And didn’t you only agree because I bribed you, and because he was tall enough that you could wear heels?” Though not quite my height, Hayley could see the charm in Ryan’s six-foot-four.

  Ryan and I were at CU together when I was busy with training and needed a solid and reliable study partner. He agreed to buddy up, on the condition that I arrange a date with my sister, who he’d seen dropping me off for classes during one of my semi-regular injury phases where I wasn’t allowed to drive. The only way I could get Hayley to agree was by bribing her with a month of housework when my sob story of how I needed good grades didn’t work. The story of how I arranged their meeting was given to cheers and applause when I included it in my maid-of-honor speech at their wedding.

  My sister blew a raspberry down the phone at me. “Fiiine. Thank you, Aspen, for introducing me to the love of my life so he could father two of the other loves of my life.”

  “You’re welcome.” I grinned into my mug. “Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “Can we direct this back on course, please? You’re on the verge of something big here.”

  “I know,” I said quietly. “And it’s terrifying.”

  “Why, sweetie?”

  “Because…I want this.” A wife, children, a dog in my backyard. “I’d forgotten I wanted it and now I’ve remembered, it’s all I can think about.”

  “What would be so bad about that?” Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to amateur psych hour.

  The worries spilled out of me quicker than I could think of the next one. “Falling too fast, her not feeling the same way, trusting and getting hurt, the distance, our ex issues. Need I say more?” I guess I’d been holding it all inside for a while.

  I heard a drink being poured. “Valid,” Hayley agreed. “Especially for you. Do you think she might feel the same way?”

  “Maybe. I still don’t know if she even wants anything more than a casual screw, so she might not even have the same worries as me.” Though she wasn’t evasive, Cate hadn’t given a firm indication of what she would want after she left. A holding pattern would be a good way to describe our status.

  “Tell me the good.” Hayley took a long swallow.

  Inside the house, the toilet flushed and footsteps moved over the floor. I moved to the other end of the deck and lowered my voice so Ed and whomever he’d brought home wouldn’t hear. “Everything I ever wanted, right there for me. If we can make it work.”

  “Is the reward worth the fear?”

  “Yes,” I said immediately.

  “Then there’s your answer.”

  * * *

  Cate found me during my lunch break to issue a dinner invitation for their last night in Australia. With a slow smile that made my chest flutter, she expanded the offer for me to stay the night and I accepted.

  When I arrived at six p.m. Tim opened the door, gave me a fist bump and then loped off in the direction of the den while I made my way into the kitchen where Melissa was working on dinner. She paused on her way to the stove with a double handful of vegetables. “Hey!”

  “Hey.” I glanced around, wondering where everyone was. “No helpers tonight?”

  “Phoebe is watching TV and thankfully not bothering me with what’s that and I don’t want to eat it, Cate and Dani are just out on the deck and I think Gem’s upstairs.”

  I offloaded the wine I’d brought onto the table. “Ah. Anything I can do to help?”

  “Course not,” she said warmly. “Go relax.”

  Not wanting to barge out onto the deck and interrupt Cate and Danielle, I made my way to the den where Phoebe was lying on the floor, absorbed in a cartoon. Tim was in his default state—sprawled on the couch, earphones in, watching something on his iPad.

  I lowered myself to the floor beside Pheebs, stretching my legs out. “What’s this?”

  “Octonauts,” she said absently.

  “Cool,” I responded, for lack of anything else to say. There was a strange vibe in the house and without Cate around, I wasn’t sure where exactly I fit in. So I leaned back on my hands to watch the cartoon, and wait for Cate.

  After about ten minutes, the deck door slid open and a muted conversation carried down the hall on the back of footsteps. “If you’re sure, but I just think it’s too soon to tell,” Danielle said evenly.

  Cate’s voice seemed rougher than usual. “No, I’m not sure. In my gut, I don’t want to but it’s not just about me, Dani.”

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  “Anyway, I don’t want to think about it.” The steps came closer until both women appeared in the doorway. Danielle paused, then smiled and raised a hand in greeting—which I returned—before she continued toward the kitchen.

  Cate’s smile was fixed in place. “Aspen, hi.”

  “Heya.”

  She crossed the floor, mussing Tim’s hair on the way, to lean down and kiss me. “Enjoying the show?”

  I grinned up at her. “Very much.”

  “Mmm.” Cate offered me her h
and, and grasping it, I rose to my feet. She looked up at me, her right eyebrow dipped and her mouth quirked as though she was about to speak. But she said nothing other than that brief, indistinct murmur.

  A call that dinner was ready shifted Tim and Phoebe faster than I’d ever seen them move and we were left alone. I took Cate’s hand and brought it to my lips. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes.” She reached up to caress my face. “Time for dinner.”

  For the rest of the night, I teetered on the knife-edge of comfort versus uncertainty. Cate wasn’t withdrawn so much as reserved and I couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t only to do with the fact they were heading home. Cate and I were readying for bed when Gem knocked on the still-open door to say good night. She padded quietly into the room and surprised me with a hug. No warning, just a soft and tentative wrapping of her arms around my waist. “Night, Aspen. I’ll see you in a few months?”

  Avoiding Cate’s eyes, I hugged Gemma back, rubbing softly between her shoulder blades. I had to swallow before I could speak. “Sure. Email me if you get stuck with any science stuff.” The adults had decided that tonight was the formal goodbye, to give Phoebe’s five-year-old-child emotions time to settle before a five-hour drive to Sydney, then at least seventeen hours’ flying, plus all the layovers.

  “Mhmm.” Gemma let me go to hug her mother while I looked away, not trusting myself not to cry.

  Cate watched Gemma leave, then closed and locked the door. “Ready for bed?” she asked in a not altogether steady voice. She wiped her thumbs under my eyes, catching the tears that had fallen anyway.

  I reached for that hand and placed a soft kiss in her palm before brushing my nose along the soft skin on the underside of her wrist. She took me to bed, undressing me without preamble, and leaving no part of me untouched. There was desperation in our lovemaking, an urgency permeating every kiss and touch. I tamped down the sadness and worry to pour myself into her over and over again and when we were satiated, she curled into me, whispering drowsy nonsensical things as she fell asleep.